Unholy Alliance 

Today for ER been dey quiet, no be small. Me and my officer come relax sake of say people no rush come ER as e dey be some days. I come enter my office say make I go through my evening handover note.

As I dey go through my note, small time my officer come call me make I come see one man and him girlfriend wey no wan listen to am. Na im I say mek I go see wetin make dis people no gree obey my officer. Wetin my eye see, I never see am before.

D man hand dey inside him pant. Okay na, remove hand make we see wetin dey worry you, the man no gree. I come feel say na shame wey make him no wan obey our instruction. So I take am go one bed, come screen am commot from where every eye go dey look am. Na dat time him come get liver to tell me wetin happen.

D palaver wey bring am come ER start when him dey house dey sleep around 9 pm. Him girlfriend come come house. She enter bedroom see say him dey sleep, na im she come dey romance am, dey romance am so tey im come wake up.

As him wake up, sleep eye no let him bulala wake up, sake of say d bulala sef dey rest. But as strong man wey saby ready for action any time na, him reason am say him suppose n disappoint him girlfriend.

Him come forget wetin our pipul talk, say dog wey dey sleep let am sleep jejely. But, instead, trouble dey sleep nack go wake am, wetin e dey find? Palava e dey find. Na so Fela sing oo.

Him come reason am say him must nack him girl wey want correct nacking now now.

As a strong man concern nah, sake of say actor no dey die for film,  him come reason am say mek him use d bulala lubricant for d bed drawer wake up d bulala sharp sharp.

Na so him use sleep eye open drawer, collect d lubricant with left hand as him dey under d cover cloth on top bed.

As sharp man wey him be, him no wan him girlfriend to know wetin him dey do. As she stand dey remove  her cloth, and dey look am with sexy smile, him just dey flow wit d mood.

Na so him come poor d bulala lubricant wey dem call K-Y Jelly for inside him right palm, under d cover cloth, come dey rub am on top him bulala to ginger d bulala to wake up and perform. Na plenty lubricant him poor.

‘Today, she go hear am!’, na so him dey talk for him mind.

But, him notice say d lubricant dey hot, instead of cold, e be like say sometin no dey right for under d cover cloth.

As him say mek him remove im hand see wetin him dey rub, na im him come notice say him no fit comot him hand from him bulala again. Him come look wetin him rub for him bulala, come see say na super glue him dey rub as lubricant.

All him strong man wey him wan do disappear. Nack no hungry am again. D more him try to pull him hand from him bulala, d more d pain dey increase. E be like say d skin of d bulala wan uproot.

Chai! Dis alliance between him hand and bulala dey unholy and painful.

As I remove him pant nah him I see say nah him whole palm wey glue to him bulala. Dis kind tin I never see before-o! D tin remind me of one Ola Rotimi play wey I watch. Dem call d play  ‘Grip Am’.

One man for d play use special super glue gum d devil for him  tree. D devil come dey beg say him no want die.

Now mek we see how we go fit help dis man. But I come ask am say how him make mistake use super glue tube instead of lubricant tube.

Him say na mistake-ooo, say as him come back home dat day, him been use d super glue repair him bedside lamp wey break. As him tire, na im him come put d super glue inside d bedside drawer where him nacking lubricant dey too, say if no be dis quickie nacking wey him girlfriend want, him for no take sleep eye carry super glue instead of lubricant.

Our people talk say Rum sweet, Rum sweet no mean say you go drink am like water.

Ok nah, make we help remove him hand from d unholy alliance with him bulala. Sake of say, I never see dis kind before, I go internet to see how to dissolve super glue.

I see three ways to remove super glue: 1. Use nail polish remover chemical wey dem dey call Acetone to dissolve am; 2. Soak am for hot water with soap; and 3. Leave am for two to three days, e go comot. I come ask the man which one him want us to use.

Him say d hot water with soap na im him want, sake of say d chemical go pain am well well. So, we come bring basin of hot water with soap foam to soak him bulala and hand inside.

Another problem come be how him go lie to soak d bulala and hand inside d basin. We come reason am sey mek him take nacking position, wey be face down, den we put d basin under for d bulala and hand to soak inside.

Na so him come dey for d nacking position sotey e reach two hours before d unholy alliance between d hand and bulala come dissolve. You need to see how d man and him girlfriend happy. No be small.

I come take am go my office for advise. I give an antibiotics tube mek him dey rub am for him bulala twice a day to prevent infection, say d super glue for him hand go comot after some days.

I come also warn am say mek him no dey mix tins togeda for him house. Mek him separate tins and arrange him house well well. Keep medicine away from wia children fit see an and reach am, and mek him dey very careful and look well well wetin him wan use or drink sake of say tins sometimes dey resemble, especially under pressure as him don experience so.

Some get the same colour, same kind of container. So look, smell to dey sure. Or look for d name of d medicine and how to take am before you take d medicine.

But dis advice na for everybody wey dey read dis mata-o. ER say mek una dey careful-o!