Side Cock Wahala 

Happy New Year, my pipul. I pray

say 2023 go nack una beta tin.

Family court sit for d New Year last week. So I go court as per say I be Senior Advocate of Nack (SAN). I know say I must report to my pipul wetin happen for court.

D first case be d one wey Mr. N bring against him wife Mrs N. D case be say Mr N find out say d daughter wey him wife borne give am fit no be him own.

Judge come ask am why him feel so. Mr N say na him wife friend call am one day say dat pikin wey him dey carry play for jangrova no be him own..

Him say him ask d friend how she know say d pikin no be him own. D friend come tell am say him wife tell her when dem been dey talk one day sey pikin no be him own.

Mrs N friend come tell am sey Mrs N get one elderly man wey she dey friend for 15 years, sry na d man get d pikin. Na him Mr N come go meet Mrs N say mek she tell am d truth.

She come tell am say na true say she get a side man wey she dey go meet for help.

Wen d judge listen to Mr N finish, she come ask Mrs N weda wetin Mr N talk na true. Mrs N say Yes, she get one elderly man wey dey help her before she meet Mr N. She say wen she bin get her first child and nobody to help her, dis man na im help her.

Pipul come dey murmur, and  noise come start for court. One woman wey sit near me come dey whisper inside her friend ear say, “we don hear about side chick, wetin we go call dis one now?

D Chairlady, Bakassi United, wey dey for d woman right hand side na im answer d question. She say dem dey call am side cock.

Judge come ask Mrs N say how she manage to dey follow d elderly man wey her husband no know till her friend come tell am.

She say dat her friend na amebo she be.

“My Lord, dat na lie. D woman na her best friend”, Mr N cut in from where him dey sit.

D Judge just warn Mr N say mek him no talk again until dem tell am to talk.

Mrs N come continue to talk. She say she bin lie to her husband sey d man na her Uncle, sey wen tins hard for house, she dey go to d side cock, get money wey she dey take buy tins come and tell her husband say na her Uncle help dem.

She say her husband dey happy well well, and dey tank d Uncle for d help, dey praise am sey him be d best Uncle. She go come prepare her husband best food wey be Banga soup, while d side cock dey do anoda banger for her body.

D Judge come ask Mr N say wen him come know sey she get side cock wey be her uncle, how him come feel.

Mr N say since dat day, him no come trust her again, sey even wen she say she no dey see d side cock again, him no believe her.

Him say e fit be say she no dey go d side cock house, but say dem fit still dey nack anywhere. Na him make am come court to know weda na d side cock or him get d pikin.

noda round of noise come come up again, before d President of NAN come say women wicked ooo.

D NAN big man say, “sake of say no meter for body to know d reading, na im make Mr N no know for 8 years”.

Meanwhile, as Mr N dey busy dey eat banga soup one side, cock dey nack him wife with heavy banger. Chairlady Bakassi united come say men too dey get side chick why women no fit get side cock, sey weda na only men wey get feelings?

President NAN come say why she no choose one person and dey nack all d nack wey she want.

Chairlady come say sometimes na fear, especially for Mrs N wey d man she borne her first pikin for no gree take d pikin. She dey use d side cock as insurance becos d man fit disappoint her like d first one.

President come talk sey how she go tell her husband sey she love am and dey nack side cock.

Chairlady come say some people no fit nack anoda man outside d one wey dem love. But odas fit nack, but dia nacking no mean say dem no love dia man.

All dis talk between President and Chairlady come confuse me. As dem dey talk dis tins for court na im judge come nack hammer say Quiet !!!.

Judge come say true true as e don be sey Mrs N  get many nackers, e don make us mek we find out who get d pickin.

D Judge come say mek Mr and Mrs N go gorment lab for DNA test. Sey mek dem come back two days time to find out who get pikin between Mr N and side cock.

D day of the judgement come reach. Court full sake of sey Mr N supporters and pity pipul full court. President dey court too, but Chairlady no come.

President say him know say she dey fear say na side cock get pikin. But dat one no stop Nacknaija pipul from collecting bets for wetin Mr DNA go talk.

You see, no mata how pipul confuse reach, Mr DNA go tell who nack to d extent sey him give d woman belle.

NAN President dey call Mr. DNA d Agbara (Oracle) of Nack. As we dey talk, na im judge come enter court to read d judgement.

Judge say d pikin na Mr N get am. Na Mr N nacking score like Messi. Him nack dribble pass d side cock own and score.

But d matter no end dere-o. Mr N say him go carry him pikin leave Mrs N mek she follow her side cock.

Mrs N come dey cry come remind am sey she bin don tell am d truth, and sey mek him forgive her mek dem live togeda.

Our pipil say even if you mix ogogoro with coke, ogogoro go still shack you.

Country pipul, mixture dey purge-o. Till we see next week, abeg mek ona nack responsibly.